Room Of Plastic Flowers

The past year for the band Lifehouse had been a weird one…getting lost in the desert, walking brainless muppet dolls, crazy fans, rescuing their writer, movie stars, killers, Steve the turkey, delivering babies, being kidnapped by Santa, and starring in their own soap opera. But most of all, the boys of Lifehouse were tired, and when men get tired…they get cranky…and when men get cranky...bad things happen. This time wasn’t any different. A new year had started, and Lifehouse was in the middle of their LIFEHOUSE TOUR 2006 when the unthinkable happened, the event all Lifehouse fans were never suppose to mention…the band was fighting…

Jason: I let you sing one song by yourself, and now you want to play the saxophone too?!

Bryce: I can do anything I put my mind to, Jason. I might just start writing some songs of my own!

Jason: You wouldn’t!

Bryce: I would!

Rick: I’m sick of hearing you two whine all the time! I have been hidden behind my drum set and I’m short too! I think we should have the drum set down stage in the center!

Jason: Not you too, Rick! I let you come from behind your drum set for one song….!

Ben: HEY! KNOCK IT OFF!

There is silence in the room as Ben walked in.

Ben: You should all be ashamed of yourselves. How can you be so selfish? Why aren’t you asking the important questions?

Bryce: You’re right, Ben.

Ben: Thank you. *pause* …Like, “Why aren’t we giving Ben more guitar solos?”

Jason: That’s it! I can’t work with you people anymore! I’m going off on my own!

Rick: Ok, fine, go!

Jason grabs his guitar and walks out the door.

Rick: I’ve always wanted to do something else with my life! *runs out*

Bryce: Later! *leaves*

Ben: Yesssss!!!!!!!! I get this entire bus to myself!!!

And as Ben drove the Lifehouse tour bus, Jason, Rick, and Bryce drove off in separate cabs, separate directions, separate lives. Storm clouds rolled in and lightning and thunder crashed as the men’s vehicles grew further and further apart.

~ 3 years pass ~

Lucy was working on a project for work. She was moving up in her career in television. She was one of the technical directors for Oprah…yes Oprah will never end… She was in the back room making sure things were ready for tomorrow’s show. Suddenly, something caught her attention. On the radio behind her, the DJ was talking about something of interest.

DJ: And here’s a request for ‘Hanging by a Moment’ from the band Lifehouse. The band split up about 3 years ago, but this song will never die.

Lucy sighed. Lifehouse was her favorite band. She would never forget the time she met her good friend Luke at one of their shows. It had been a great night. After the song was done, the DJ came back on.

DJ: Yes, that was Lifehouse with HBAM, and in case any of you are still interested in the band members, you can catch Jason Wade, now known as, “J-Dizzle,” at the X-Lounge this Saturday night at 8:00.

Lucy: J-Dizzle?! What the hell is going on?

Lucy didn’t know what to say. Jason was now a rapper? That couldn’t be. Lucy remembered that he did like some rap songs back in the day, but she never thought of him writing stuff like that. This brought a new thought into Lucy’s mind, “What ever happened to the rest of the band?”

Lucy: *jumping up* That’s it! I have a mission! I will find the men of Lifehouse, get them on the show, and get them back together.

Lucy started to picture the guys reuniting on the Oprah show and hugging and thanking her, roses and balloons falling all around her. Lucy was suddenly startled out of her daydream by the sound of the janitor passing by in the hall shaking his head at her. Lucy had a mission. And she was going to make it happen. The next day, she mentioned the idea to the big ‘O’ herself, who loved it, so Lucy decided to call her friend Luke for help.

Lucy: *on the phone* So what do you think?

Luke: What do I think? I say I’m in!

Lucy: Good! Ok, so Jason is performing this Saturday at the X- Lounge, so that gives us 3 days to find the other guys.

Luke: Ok, it’s not going to be easy, but I think we can do it.

Lucy: Well being in the TV business, I already know where Bryce is.

Luke: Really?! Where?!

Lucy: Well, maybe you’ve never heard of it because it’s only on Canadian television, but Bryce has his own talk show called, “Everybody Loves Bryce.”

Luke: *silence*

Lucy: Yeah, I know…so I was thinking if you can call off of work, we can fly over there tonight and try to talk to him.

Luke: Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the airport tonight.

Lucy: Thanks so much, Luke!

So that night Lucy and Luke flew over to Canada to find and capture their first Lifehouse member. They made it into the studio with some trouble from the security guard.

Security: Is Mr. Soderberg expecting you?

Lucy: Why, of course. I’m one of the technical directors for Oprah, and she is fascinated by Mr. Soderberg’s show. She would love it if he could make time to come on this upcoming Monday.

Security: Wow! The big ‘O’wants Bryce! That’s a pretty big deal!

Luke: It sure is. So can we have a word with him?

Security: Well, he’s taping a show right now, but you can wait in his dressing room and I’ll let him know you’re here.

Lucy: Oh, thank you very much.

Lucy and Luke were escorted to Bryce’s dressing room. As they opened the door, there were ‘Everybody Loves Bryce’ balloons, posters, mugs, toilet covers, hoodies, caps…you name it, and it was in there. Lucy and Luke looked for a place to sit among all the merchandise and flowers. A few minutes later they could hear some chatter in the hall and the door opened to Bryce dressed in a pin-stripped suit with a cigar in his hand and the smell of ‘Jungle Beast’ cologne coming from his suit.

Bryce: Why hello there. I hear from my manager that you are here to talk to me about something.

Lucy: Umm yes. We would like to have you on the Oprah show.

Bryce: *walking in the room and pouring himself some champagne* Really…the big ‘O’ wants “Bryce” does she?

Luke: Uh…yah…well she would like to talk to you.

Bryce: I hope this isn’t another one of those viagra commercials because I quit doing those awhile ago.

Lucy: O…K…no it’s not about that.

Bryce: Well then, let me check. Jimmy! Come in here!

A man in another suit comes in.

Jimmy: Yes, Bryce?

Bryce: Cancel my shows next week. I’m leaving to be on O’s show.

Jimmy: Of course Bryce. *he leaves*

Luke: This is great, Bryce! I know the other guys will love seeing you too!

Bryce: What other guys?

Lucy: Oh…when he said other guys…

Bryce: *stands up* Oh no…I know exactly what this is! You’re trying to get Lifehouse back together! Well it’s not going to work! Jim…

Lucy: *puts her hand over his mouth* Bryce this is for your own good!

Lucy proceeds to take a vase of flowers and smashes it on Bryce’s head. The tall man comes crashing down onto Luke who catches him and falls to the ground.

Luke: A little help here!

Lucy: I’m sorry! What was I suppose to do?

Luke: Here give me a hand and we’ll sneak out the stage door.

So Luke and Lucy beginning creeping out the side door carrying Bryce’s body out into their car, and speeding away.

Lucy: Ok, one bassist, check! Three more to go!

And so driving down the streets of Canada with Mission Impossible music playing in the background, Lucy and Luke prepare for their next target, Rick. Rick had a change of careers…a very big change…

Lucy: Ok…are you sure this is the house?

Luke: Yes. Definitely. Just go in there and act like you’re a friend of the bride’s. They’ll be too drunk to know the difference.

Lucy: Ok, wish me luck.

Luke: Good luck!

Lucy got out of the car and walked up to the front door and knocked. A very drunk girl answered it and let her in. She gave Luke a thumbs-up before she walked in. The party was loud and almost all of the women were drunk and crazy. Then the room suddenly went silent as a friend of the bride’s stood up.

Drunken Woman: I…just want to say that, Heather, you…deserve the best out there!

Girls: Awww!

Drunken Woman: And this is my gift to you. Hope you love it, Hun!

(Before we go any further, I just want you all to know I’m a terrible person, and I’m going to Hell. Ok continue.)

The music is turned up. It’s Ricky Martin’s “Shake Your Bon-Bon.” Out from the back room comes Rick in a fireman’s suit. He begins shaking his “Bon-Bon” all over the place. The women are screaming wildly.

Drunken Woman: Take it off!

Lucy is disturbed. Her mouth is down to the floor. Rick is down to his fireman Speedos when Lucy runs over and shuts the music off.

Women: Hey, what do you think you’re doing?!

Lucy: I’m…I’m sorry….that song was the reason me and my boyfriend had to break up.

The women go back to chatter as Lucy sees Rick gathering up his clothes. She sees him head for the back and follows him.

Lucy: Rick!

Rick: Hey, you look familiar.

Lucy: Yes! We’ve met before.

Rick: I hope this isn’t one of the freaky Sci-Fi things where you’re like my granddaughter from the future…

Lucy: Umm…no…

Rick: That’s good, cause then this would be awkward.

Lucy: Rick, you can’t do this. You have too much talent to make a living selling yourself.

Rick: *teary eyed* You really think so?

Lucy: Yes. Come with me and my friend, Luke.

Rick: Ok, do you mind if I put some clothes on first?

Lucy: Oh, please do.

Rick and Lucy go back to the car and Luke speeds away.

Lucy: Bassist, check…Drummer, check…two more to go.

Now Ben was a little tougher to find. He had taken the tour bus and doing God knows what with it. Rick had mentioned that he had actually stayed in touch with Ben and knew he could get him to meet them at the Oprah show. It was Saturday night, and so Luke and Lucy walked into the back area of the X-Lounge incognito. They could hear some vocals going on from backstage and were very disturbed…

Lucy: *looking through the door* OMG…I never thought I’d see Jason dressed like that…sounding like that…

Luke: I think it’s a sign of the apocalypse.

Jason was wearing baggy pants that were halfway down so his boxer showed, gold chains hung from his neck, dark sunglasses covered his eyes, and a backwards cap finished the look. After he was done, he walked out to get some water. Jason turned down the hall and opened the door to his room when someone grabbed him from behind.

J-Dizzle: Yo dog! Whachu up in ‘ere fo?

Luke: What?!

J-Dizzle: You ‘eard me foo!

Luke: Oh I’m not even going to argue with you. *takes a random object and hits him over the head*

Jason’s body falls to the ground and Lucy and Luke scoop him up and put him in the car with the rest of them.

Lucy: Ok so hopefully Ben will keep his word, and if so then we’re home free!

Luke: Oh yeah, let’s just hope none of them press kidnapping charges.

Monday rolled around and Luke put the 3 men in the dressing room.

Luke: Now I want you guys to talk some stuff over before you go out there. *closes the door*

Lucy: *walking down the hall* Where are the guys? It’s almost time for them to go on.

Luke: Don’t worry. They’re calmly discussing their problems as we speak.

*CRASH* *screaming*

Rick: Get your chains out of my face!

Bryce: Rick, put some clothes on for God’s sake!

J-Dizzle: B-dog, whatchu up in my crib fo?

Rick/Bryce: What are you talking about?!

Lucy: Oh this is great. They’ll kill each other before they even get out the door.

Luke: *opens the door to find the 3 guys entwined* Guys! Cut it out! Now get out here, and go sit and talk to Oprah.

The 3 men, still entwined, tip-toe their way on to the Oprah set where O herself is awaiting their arrival.

Oprah: And now I’d like to welcome to the show, Life…House!!!

Audience: *screams* *claps*

J-Dizzle, Rick, and Bryce walk out on the stage, kiss O, and take a seat on the couch.

Oprah: I’m so glad you are here with me today. I must admit I was shocked when I heard you had broken up. I’m sure many of your fans were beside themselves.

Bryce: Yes well, many of them watch me on my show, maybe you’ve heard of it? “Everybody Loves Bryce.”

Oprah: Uh…no. I can’t say that I have.

Bryce: Oh…

J-Dizzle: Yah, my dogs love my new up in ‘ere and funk da beat style of d-shizzle my nizzle, debrizzle, fo-shizzle, yo know?

Oprah: What?!

Rick: You know what, O...Can I call you, O?

Oprah: Um…I guess…

Rick: Great. You know what, O? I just want to express myself through the art of dance. And if that means taking my clothes off and getting dollar bills stuffed in my belt, then that’s ok with me.

Oprah: *Blink* Uh…well…the point I’m getting to is that…don’t you think there is anyway you guys can straighten this out. You used to make such great music together.

J-Dizzle: Yo, these dogs…

Rick: Stop talking like that! I can’t understand what you’re saying!

Jason: *straightens up* Fine! These guys want to take over everything! Nothing I do is good enough!

Bryce: Look! Everyone thinks I just want to take over the lead vocals…

Jason: Only because you mention every 2 stories!

Rick: Do you want to know what I think?

Jason/Bryce: NO!

Rick: See, O? They always put me down. I think it’s because I’m short and so good-looking.

Lucy: *comes out on the stage* Stop this! I can’t believe you guys. Look at yourselves. This is not the Lifehouse I know and love! Think of all the fans you’re disappointing at this very moment.

The guys sit back and look sad.

Jason: We have been selfish.

Bryce: I feel ashamed.

Rick: I feel like dirt.

Oprah: I feel disturbed.

Jason: What do you guys think? Get back together?

Rick: Reunion tour!

Bryce: Here’s to more crazy adventures and more beer!

Rick: Yeah!!!

Just then, there was a very loud sound coming from the front of the stage. Suddenly a bus came crashing through the Oprah set. Ben peeped his head out from the driver’s seat.

Ben: You guys aren’t going anywhere without me or this bus!

Guys: Ben!

Ben: Come on, get in!

And the men of Lifehouse gathered in their tour bus and drove out of the Oprah set.

Oprah: Come back here and fix this wall!!!

The next weekend Lucy and Luke were sitting at the bar waiting for the show to start.

Luke: I can’t believe we kidnapped the guys and put them on Oprah just to get them back together.

Lucy: Hey, they do have the best fans in the business.

Luke: I’ll drink to that.

They clinked their glasses together as the curtain rose and Lifehouse took the stage to a screaming crowd. They opened up with ‘We’ll Never Know.’ Everyone was jamming to their music, including a very rocked-out Oprah.

And so begins a new Lifehouse chapter.