Room Of Plastic Flowers

One late night on the bus, the boys were snuggled in their PJs and falling asleep. Rick and Bryce were fast asleep while Jason ran lyrics through his head, lying down, guitar in hands, and hitting a tambourine with his foot. Suddenly, Jason heard a noise coming from the back of the bus.

Jason: Man, Rick...Go to bed!

Rick: *sticking his head out of his bunk* But...I am in bed...

Jason sat up and move out of the bunk very slowly.

Rick: Be careful, Jason.

Jason: Who’s it gonna be?

Rick: I don’t know...one time I ran into the Orken Man back there.

Jason: Rick, go back to sleep.

Rick: Ok.

Rick snuggled up in his covers and Jason made his way to the back of the bus. The back room was dark and Jason had a hard time seeing anything. He switched on a nearby light to discover a man in ninja type clothing and a mask covering his face.

Jason: Holy Mother...!

Ninja: Wooooo ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

The ninja and Jason proceeded to do a very long sequence of fighting poses until finally the ninja poke Jason in the eye and flew out the window.

Jason: Ouch! Hey, come back here!

But it was too late. The ninja had escaped. The question on everyone’s minds was, ‘What was the ninja looking for in the Lifehouse tour bus?’ ...Possibly incriminating documents that would show very friendly and disturbing images of the guys?

Jason: Oh, don’t worry. We destroyed those awhile ago.

Writer: Damn it! Uh...I mean, good job.

Anyways, so the next morning the guys were munching on breakfast and watching T.V. Jason had entertain them all with his story of how he had thrown their ninja intruder out the window, but forgot to do a long question session that usually reveals the intentions of the villain.

Bryce: Damn it, Jason, that’s the first thing you’re suppose to do when you’re face to face with an evil ninja who has been looking through your tour bus.

Jason: I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.

Ben: I wonder what he could have been looking for.

Rick: I don’t know. I paid that bill a week ago.

Just then, a news story came over the television for the show EXTRA!

Television: EXTRA! EXTRA!

Rick: Oh good, my favorite show is on!

Host Lady: Welcome to a brand new addition of EXTRA! Tonight on the program, “The Secrets and Lies of California’s Biggest Bands.” So you think you know your favorite band? Well EXTRA! has the secrets and lies your bands have kept from you. Tonight, our own music critic, Jude Cole, will do a tell-all interview about the band Lifehouse.

Jason: What?!

Rick: Are you kidding me?!

Ben: Jude wouldn’t do that do us!

Jude Cole: Hello all. Now you all know that I manage the band, Lifehouse...and...Oh God, this is so hard to do...I’m sorry, guys....but...well...here it goes.

The guys listened as their good friend and manager told some horrific stories about the men of Lifehouse.

Jason: I don’t believe what I’m hearing!

Bryce: I only did that once!

Rick: Jason, you never told me that was illegal!

Jason: Apparently, in that state it was.

Rick: Shit!

Host Lady: This is all very shocking, of course, but there is a good story as well tonight. Singer Michael Bolton is working his musical talents on the stage once again. He is a gifted singer who wants to right the wrongs that the band Lifehouse has left on the music industry and its people. He had this to say:

Bolton: I was really, quite shocked when I heard about this band....uh...Lighthouse...?

Jason: LIFEHOUSE! I swear, if one more person calls us Lighthouse...!

Rick: Breathe, Jason.

Bolton: Yes...I believe I am a better performer and musician, so I will take it upon myself to lead the lost fans of Lifehouse...if you all could look at your screens now, please.

All fans watching, including the boys, leaned into their screens and watched as the T.V. went blank and then switched to very vibrant colors all at once. Suddenly, the voice of Michael Bolton came over the screen.

Bolton: Listen to me fans of Lifehouse...you will go throw away all your tickets, merchandise, cds, of Lifehouse and any other bands you like, and buy Bolton! Buy, buy, and buy, BOLTON!!! MUAAAHHHH!!!!

Jason: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who would fall for that?

Rick: *in a trance* Buy Bolton...buy, buy, buy....

Ben: Rick, get a hold of yourself!

Bryce: *slaps Rick*

Rick: Ow! Geez!

Bryce: This is bad guys, baaad.

Jason: No, I believe in our fans. They won’t fall for this.

The next day the guys sat on the edge of a stage starring at an empty venue.

Bryce: This is baaad...

Jason: Yes, alright, Bryce.

Ben: I can’t believe no one showed up.

Rick: Hey, that parrot over there looks interested!

Parrot: Raaaa! Michael Bolton! Raaaaa! Michael Bolton!

Rick: God! I hate that Michael Bolton!

Jason: Alright, guys...if he wants to play dirty, then we’ll play dirty!

Bryce: Right on, Brother!

Ben: Looks like we’ve got to track down Bolton and knock him off his throne!

Rick: Ooooo! Can we wear tight black clothing and suspend from walls and blend in with our surroundings?

Jason: Sure, Rick.

Rick: Yessss! Let’s do this!

And so the men of Lifehouse went to the place called Bolton Estate to find the man who had started these vicious lies that were somewhat true...but that’s a minor detail. The estate was quiet as Michael Bolton pulled up in his limo. He got out while he was talking on his cell phone.

Bolton: *on phone* Yes...my plan is going splendidly. Pretty soon I will have the biggest fan base on the planet, and Lifehouse will cease exist...wait a minute *pauses to look at the trees nearby* Oh...nothing...I thought I saw something. Yes, I should be ready by tomorrow.

Bolton walked into his home and hung up his cell phone. A figure of a large tree followed him from behind. Michael Bolton continued to walk down the hall on his way to the kitchen. The outline of the wallpaper came up and Bryce who had flowers that matched the wallpaper on his face emerged from the wallpaper and followed Bolton into the kitchen. Michael decided to make himself a sandwich. He began humming, “When a man loves a woman,” to himself when all of a sudden he heard a noise behind him. He turned around to discover Bryce painted exactly like his wallpaper, standing behind him.

Bryce: So...Bolton...we finally meet.

Bolton: So...Bryce...let’s cut the chit-chat and get down to business.

Bryce: Let’s.

Bolton: I don’t care what you do...you can’t stop me from taking over the music industry.

Bryce: Your right, Bolton...I can’t...*points up* But they can.

Bolton: Uh...who? *looks up*

Michael Bolton looks up to see the black figures of Jason and Ben suspended from a wire. They both drop down on Bolton and knock him to the ground.

Jason: All right, Bolton, you’ve had your fun.

Ben: Yeah, now we’re gonna set things straight, the way they’re suppose to be...people loving our music...and people running away in terror from yours.

Bolton: Oh really? You think you can defeat me that easily, do you? Come my ninja followers!

Just then five ninja warriors sprung up from the floor.

Ninjas: We will kill you!

Bryce: Um...I don’t think we thought this through...

Jason: Damn you, Bolton!

Bolton: Muahhhhh!!!! Goodbye, Lifehouse!

Ben, Jason, and Bryce are pinned in the corner by the ninjas who begin to close in around them.

Jason: What should we do?

Bryce: I don’t know!

Just as the ninjas were about to kill the boys, a loud rolling sound could be heard coming from the hall.

Bolton: What the hell is that?

Voice: Ahhhhhhh!

A large tree was rocking straight for the ninjas.

Ninjas: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! *BOOM*

The ninjas exploded into little ninja pieces and disappeared. The tree stood up.

Rick: Man...This trunk is killing me...did I miss anyone?

Jason: Rick!

Bryce: Rick, I love you...and I mean that in the straightest way possible.

Rick: Right back at ya, man.

Ben: Well, now, Mr. Bolton, I believe you are at our mercy.

Bolton: Oh, please, guys...have pity on me!

Rick: Look, can we just get rid of him quick? I think there’s a squirrel trying to burrow in my pants...

Jason: Wait, I have a better idea.

And so the boys of Lifehouse took Michael Bolton and left for the EXTRA! sound stage. A week later the men were riding on the Lifehouse tour bus watching T.V. when a special news section came on.

T.V: EXTRA! EXTRA!

Host Lady: Extra! brought you the shocking story of the band Lifehouse a month ago, well we are here to personally apologize for releasing certain information about the band...

Rick: Why? It’s not like it wasn’t true...

Guys: Shut up, Rick!

Host Lady: The story began with a very disturbed plot by singer, Michael Bolton, in an attempt to take over the music industry. He was taken to a psychiatric facility yesterday. Our cameras caught a glimpse of the gruesome sight.

Bolton: *in a straight-jacket* I’m gonna get you Lifehouse! I’m gonna get you!!!

Bryce: Bring it, Bolton!

Host Lady: Unfortunately, we received word minutes ago that Michael Bolton has escaped from the facility.

Guys: BOLTON!!!