Room Of Plastic Flowers

The Lifehouse tour bus rolled merrily down the street. The boys proceeded to put on another kick-ass show! Let’s face it; have they ever put on a bad show? I think not. Afterwards, the guys proceed to go out and meet the fans, who had conveniently blocked off a clear exit to the bus door; some autographs here...a picture there...and the occasional drunken love dance. After the last of the fans had gone, the men of Lifehouse decided to retire to their metal steed of wonder...or the bus.

Ben: Man, I must have signed 100 autographs.

Jason: I must have taken 200 pictures.

Bryce: Well, I must have signed 100 autographs, taken 200 pictures, gotten 3 marriage proposals, and received 1 Charms Blow-Pop from a very nice elderly lady named, Ruby.

Jason: Damn it! You always win!

Bryce: *smiles*

Rick: Well, I personally love the fact that we get to meet those who rock out to the sounds our instruments make and touch them and make them feel better about themselves which, in turn, makes us feel better about ourselves and therefore makes the world a better place and makes me want to sing and dance.

Jason: Rick...give me the cup.

Rick: *shielding the cup* Stay away from Mr. Hapster!

Ben: You named the cup?

Bryce: Rick, is that the same red cup you’ve had this entire tour?

Rick: Actually no. Mr. Kingsley bit the dust sometime last August...*sniff* I can’t really talk about it. I’m gonna go to bed.

Jason: I think that’s wise. We should all go. I’m beat.

And so, the very tired men of Lifehouse changed into their PJs and tucked themselves into their bunks.

*Later that night*

Rick’s eyes opened slightly. He groaned as he lifted the covers and stuck his legs out of the bunk. He walk down to the bathroom door and tried to open it, but it wouldn’t budge. He kept pushing and pushing until the door finally swung open to reveal the face a young girl of no more than 15.

Girl: EEEEEEEE!

Rick: AHHHHHH!!! *slams door shut*

Rick didn’t know what to do. He either just saw a young girl or huge ferret. He ran over to Jason’s bunk.

Rick: *pulling back the curtain* Jason! Wake up!

Jason: *moans* Rick, I told you if you had a bad dream to bug Bryce or Ben.

Rick: No, I just went to take a nice relieving pee, and I think I saw a girl in the bathroom.

Jason: *sitting up* Rick, are you sure?

Rick: Yes.

Jason slowly got up and crept towards the door to the bathroom. Rick stayed behind Jason as he slowly opened the door.

Girl: OMG!!! Jason Wade! I love you!!! I love you!!!

At that, Jason slammed the door as the girl began to lunge for his waist.

Jason: *holding the door shut* Rick, get me boards, nails, and a hammer. And for God’s sake, get Bryce over here to help me hold this door shut!

Rick: What kind nails would you prefer?

Jason: Just get me anything to keep her in there!

Rick: Right!

Rick ran and woke Bryce up who immediately rush to help Jason keep the door shut. Rick returned with the materials and the boys nailed the girl in while listening to her very loud insane ranting or professions of love for the band, which ever you prefer. That morning the police hauled the girl off of the bus in restraints. The guys sat in utter amazement.

Rick: Wow that was pretty scary. That’s never happened before.

Bryce: I feel so violated...

Jason: You feel violated? It my ass she squeezed as the cops dragged her out of here.

Bryce: No, that should make you feel cheap.

Ben: It’s so weird; I mean...how did she get in?

Rick: Yeah I have no idea.

Jason: We’re just gonna have to make sure everything is secure from now on.

Ben: Right.

The Lifehouse tour bus rolled down another street in another state in another city. Another fantastic concert and another great little meet and greet after the show. The boys went to bed, all except Bryce who decided to watch some T.V. He started to dose-off for a minute when he suddenly heard something. He opened his eyes to see to see two girls and one guys staring over him.

Bryce: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Girls: Bryce!!! We love you!!!

Guy: OMG, Bryce, you’re my idol! Teach me to play like you and win over the ladies!

The police cars pulled away from the Lifehouse tour bus with the three loonies’ faces in the window.

Bryce: Ok, it was a little funny when it happened to Jason. But this was just freaky and I need a hug.

Rick: I’ll hug you, Bryce. *hugs*

Jason: This is becoming a serious problem.

Ben: This is my plan. After the show...we run to the bus.

Rick: I like it.

Jason: Hey, you’re on to something, they must be sneaking on during the meet and greet.

Bryce: I feel bad for the non-psychotic fans, but we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do.

And sadly, the boys decided to do just that. The next night they did an amazing show, just as they always did. They took their final bow and ran like the wind.

Rick: What about our instruments?!

Bryce: We’ll have them FedEx to us, just run!

The guys made it to their bus. It looked like the coast was clear. They held hands while crossing the street and almost made it until a figure emerged from the bus.

Jason: Wait, who is that?

Rick: Oh God, it looks like a girl.

Girl: You had to get rid of us and now we have a special number for you!

Ben: What’s this all about? Just because we had you arrested because you stalked us back to our bus and grabbed our asses?

Girl: Exactly.

Music starts to play.

Bryce: Wait a minute...where’s that music coming from?

Suddenly, flashy lights and music boomed from all different directions. Dancers in flashy costumes began to do slick choreography as a guy and girl began to sing:

At first we were afraid, we were petrified,

Kept thinking we could never live without you by our sides,

But then we spent so many nights thinking how we could do you wrong,

And we grew strong,

And we how to sing this song!

Dancers: *turn, turn, turn, leap into the splits; jazz hands

Background singers: *Oooo ahhhhhhh oooo ahhhhhh lalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Rick: Jason, I’m scared...

Bryce: This doesn’t make any sense. People just don’t go into dramatic dance numbers in the middle of the street......Do you think I’m drunk?

Jason: Don’t worry guys. I think we can challenge them. See, they aren’t like our sane fans. Here, put these skimpy pressed suits and top-hats on...oh and don’t forget these canes.

Ben: Um...ok.

The men of Lifehouse formed their own spiffy formation and began snapping their fingers and tapping their toes and performing amazingly timed dance steps.

Jason: *sings* Sometimes we feel we’ve got to...

Rick: Uh-uh!

Guys: Run away...

Jason: We’ve got to...

Rick: Uh-uh!

Guys: Get away...

Jason: From the pain you drive into the heart of us,
The love we share...

Bryce: Whoa-whoa...

Jason: Seems to go nowhere, we've lost our lights, for we toss and turn we can’t sleep at night. Once we ran to you...

Bryce: We ran...

Jason: Now we run from you. This tainted love you’ve given, We give you all boys could give you,

All: Take our tears and that’s not nearly....All!!!!

Jason: Tainted love...

Rick: Whoa-whoa...

Jason: Tainted love...Don’t touch us please, we cannot stand the way you tease. We love you though you hurt us so. Now we’re gonna pack our things and go...........................

*Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Rick: *groans* Man, I was having the weirdest dream...

Bryce: Me too. The fans were sneaking on our bus---

Ben: ...And it kept happening and then they did this elaborate musical-dance sequence at the end---

Rick: Yeah...we sang and danced to “Tainted Love.” That’s so weird we all dreamed the same thing. Isn’t that weird, Jason?

Jason: *still half asleep* Mmmm...Touch me, baby, tainted love....

Bryce: Alright, I refuse to sleep this close to you guys again.