Room Of Plastic Flowers

It was a beautiful morning as the Lifehouse Tour Bus rolled merrily down the highway. The boys were almost done with their tour and were preparing for new adventures soon to come. The guys were relaxing in the back of the bus and watching T.V. Rick was in a corner deep in thought. He began scanning his arms which were now completely covered in tattoos.

Jason: Rick, don’t tell me you’re thinking about getting more.

Rick: Actually, I was contemplating whether or not to give my manly butterfly a friend or not.

Bryce: You mean...more on the---

Rick: ---Exacty, my friend. He gets lonely.

As Rick was just about to pull down his pants for a better look, an important news update came on the T.V.

News Reporter: We interrupt what you were just doing for a special news break...

Jason: God bless you.

News Reporter: As you all know, a couple months ago the singer, Michael Bolton was reeking havoc on our country’s music industry. Sadly, just after he was captured, Bolton escaped that very night by what appeared to be ninja monkeys.

Guys: Ninja monkeys!

News Reporter: That’s right, ninja monkeys! Bolton’s main target in this ordeal was the band, Lifehouse. *calls* Roll the tape, Bill!

Video shows Bolton in a straight-jacket being hauled away.

Bolton: I’m gonna get you Lifehouse! I’m gonna get you!

Bryce: Bring it, Bolton.

Rick: Whoa, man...deja vu.

News Reporter: We need your help, and yes I mean you.

Guys: Us?

News Reporter: Who else? You’re the main characters.

Ben: Good point.

Jason grabbed the remote and turned the television off.

Bryce: Bolton’s got to be stopped!

Rick: Those ninja monkeys sound familiar to me...

Jason: I was thinking the same thing. Where have we dealt with ninja monkeys before?

The boys begin to ponder until suddenly, the light bulbs turned on.

Jason: That’s right!

Guys: Ean!!!!

Bryce: Ean had ninja monkeys when he kidnapped our writer!

Writer: Don’t remind me...

Ben: We’ll just call Ean and ask if he knows anything about this.

Jason picked up his cell phone and began to dial. When he got through, he put Ean on speaker.

Ean: *on the phone* Hello?

Jason: Ean!

Ean: Oh, hey, Jay. You want to come over and play with my brand new Play Station toys?

Jason: Aw man, I’d love to---

Rick: Jason!

Jason: Oh, right...uh I can’t. I actually called to ask you something very important.

Ean: Well what is it?

Bryce: What exactly did you do with those ninja monkeys you used to kidnap our writer!

Ean: Uh...uh...well...I couldn’t really say...

Ben: Ean, we know Michael Bolton has them. Tell us you didn’t give them to him.

Ean: Listen, ok. First of all, I couldn’t keep those monkeys for personal hygiene reasons, and secondly, I didn’t just give them to Michael. He bought them fair and square on e-bay.

Jason: Ean! Do you know what has happened! The monkeys have helped Bolton escape, and now we have to pull off some unbelievable stunt to capture him and lock him up for good...and all of this must be done before bed time.

Ean: I’m sorry, Jason.

Rick: Look, we’re wasting time. We should split-up and gather an army to fight off Bolton and his monkey minions.

Bryce: Good thinking. Let’s go.

Ean: Wait! I should tell you that before I sold them I made an entire army...sea monkeys to control the water, and flying monkeys to control the skies.

Bryce: Someone tell me why we resurrected him.

And so the men of Lifehouse split-up to hopefully find some clues to the whereabouts of Bolton. Bryce traveled back to the East Coast to see if he could discover anything. On the way there, he became a tad hungry. There seemed to be no restaurants for miles. Suddenly, he saw a sign for a carnival called Quasimodo, out in the middle of nowhere.

Bryce: Wait a minute. I think I’ve been here before...

Bryce continued to walk in. The carnival was filled with rides, food and beer.

Bryce: Jackpot!

Bryce ran up to the beer stand and waited to be served. As he stood there, he heard a familiar voice behind him. He turned around.

Bryce: Sarah! Is that you?

Sarah: Omg...Bryce from Lifehouse! This is so weird! I’ve missed you.

Bryce: *pointing to the baby carriage* How’s little Simon doing?

Sarah: Oh he’s fine. Thanks again for helping me with the labor.

Bryce: Oh, I think Rick did most of the work.

Sarah: Speaking of which, where are the other guys?

Bryce: Well you see...we’re kind of in the middle of a major crisis.

Sarah: Did Rick try to sell the band to a Japanese prostitute again?

Bryce: Um...no. We’re actually trying to track down Michael Bolton and stop his evil doings...wait, when did Rick ever try to sell the band to a Japanese prostitute?

Sarah: Oh wow. I think I can help you! My aunt works for his label. If we go to her building I’m sure we can find interesting documents that will give us some clues to his whereabouts.

Bryce: Wow. You’re amazing! Do you think its fate that we met her today?

Sarah: Maybe...or you’re lust for beer.

Bryce: That too. But what will we do with Simon?

Sarah: Oh it’s ok. I’ll just leave him with my husband. *calls over* Bill, dear, I’m going with Bryce to help Lifehouse destroy the world of Bolton. Take care of Simon!

Bill: Yes, dear.

Bryce: Cool, let’s get out of here.

Just as Bryce and Sarah were heading for the exit, the very loud sound of a woman puking could be heard coming from the nearby carousel. The woman was obviously pregnant and looked very angry at the sight of Bryce with another woman. She immediately walked over to them.

Bryce: Whoa, talk about your Sick Cycle Carousel.

Lady: Bryce, why haven’t you called me? Don’t you remember that I’m caring your child! I’m due any day now!

Sarah: What!

Bryce: I didn’t mean for you to find out this way, Sarah. You must think I’m some sort of “player.”

Lady: Who is this woman? Is she you’re newest endeavor?

Bryce: Don’t you dare bring you’re soap opera antics here! How do I know that baby’s mine anyway. You were pretty close with my Mexican father!

Lady: No! Never. You’re father and I are just friends.

Bryce: Admit it! That child is really my brother!

Lady: *starts weeping*

Sarah: Ok...I’m not even going to ask, let’s just get out of here before that cheesy music starts playing again.

Sarah and Bryce ran as fast as they could to escape. They now would make their way to Bolton’s record label. Meanwhile, Ben had headed for the Midwest. He had received a good tip that Bolton had some sea monkeys patrolling the Great Lakes. Ben rented a sailboat for the day and set sail for the great blue yonder! Out in the distance, he could see someone trying to get his attention.

Voice: Help! Help me! My boat is sinking!

Ben: Don’t worry. I’m coming for you.

Ben rowed his boat over to the man.

Ben: Oh wow! Steve Erwin, is that you?!

Steve: You bet it is! Now why don’t ya give me a hand?

Ben pulled Steve over just in time. The bought collapsed just as Steve’s foot left it.

Steve: Crikey! She was a beaut’ too...what a shame.

Ben: Hey, hand me that magnified glass. *inspects a piece of board from the boat*

Steve: Well what da ya see, mate?

Ben: Ah ha! Just as I suspected...rabid sea monkeys!

Steve: Rapid sea monkeys? But who would control such horrid beasts?

Ben: *looks up dramatically* Bolton...

Steve: Oh don’t blame Michael Bolton, mate. Sure, he’s not my kind of taste but---

Ben: Steve, I can’t explain now but if you want to be an official member of CAR then you must prove yourself by helping me destroy the source of these sea monkeys. Will you help me do it?

Steve: Of course, mate. The brothers of CAR must always stick together!

After they finished the sacred dance of CAR, Ben and Steve sailed back to shore, for fear the boat would be eaten. The main land was crowded with people and Ben didn’t want to start a panic, so he and Steve decided to quietly sneak into a suspicious looking cabin up by the rocks. Ben opened the door to find a computer booted up with one ninja at the controls.

Steve: I got him! *grabs the monkey* Oh ain’t she a beaut’! Look at those sharp razor claws that she could use to scratch my eyes out!

Ben: Steve, this is no time for a National Geographic Special!

Steve: You’re right...but I hate to kill it.

Ben: Here. *hits the monkey over the head with a vase* Now, let’s see what this computer controls.

Just then, the door to the cabin opened and a voice came upon them.

Voice: Not so fast gentlemen!

Ben: Oh no, not you!

Now Rick was determined to go after the flying monkeys for obvious reasons. The only problem was he had no idea where to start looking. I mean, flying monkeys could be anywhere. He started walking until he suddenly tripped over something and fell on his face.

Rick: Ow! What the...?

He looked behind him to see a mother duck looking very upset with three little ducklings behind her.

Rick: Hey, I know you! You’re the cute little ducklings I saw a while back.

Duckling: Actually sir, you saw our grandmother and our mother crossing since it would be highly unlikely they would have stayed so little for so long.

Rick: Um...right. Anyways, maybe you could be of some help to me. See, I’m trying to track down Michael Bolton’s flying monkeys...and well even though I’ve tried, I can’t fly.

Duckling: Oh, we can take care of the skies for you!

Rick: Really?

Duckling: Sure.

Rick: Thanks.

Ducklings: If I were you, though, I would head south...things that fly usually like to go there. *winks and walks away with her family*

At the duckling’s suggestion, Rick decided to check the south. He called for a cab that took awhile to pick him up. When it finally arrived, Rick got a funny feeling in the center of his manly Butterfly tattoo. He sat in the back and buckled his seat belt.

Driver: Whhheeerrrree tooooo sssiiiiiirrrrr????

Rick: Wait...it can’t be! That was just a dream!

Driver: Oh no. It’s you again. Well, where to?

Rick: You’re that tiny clerk dude in my dream! Are you gonna turn me into a walking brainless muppet doll?!

Tiny Driver: Not today, sir.

Rick: You sure?

Tiny Driver: I might later, but for now, no.

Rick: Oh ok. I need you to take me to Texas.

Tiny Driver: And you’re going to Texas wouldn’t have anything to do with Michael Bolton, would it?

Rick: How did you know about that?

Tiny Driver: Oh I know...

Rick: You know!

Tiny Driver: Of course I know...don’t you know?

Rick: Oh boy do I know!

The two continued to bicker back and forth all the way to Texas until the Tiny Clerk/Driver kicked Rick out in the middle of the desert and drove off.

Rick: Fine! I still know! Aw man, I have a cactus in my butt. Ow...ow...

Rick began to walk around very slowly. He had no idea what he was going to do. Hours past and he began to get sleepy and extremely thirsty. He began seeing huge cups of beer and Peach Snapple everywhere until finally he collapsed in the sand.

Rick It’s all over...there’s no hope for me. I hope the guys find a good drummer...

Bolton: Oh come now, Rick. I didn’t think you would give up that easily.

Rick: *looking up* Wha...*conk*

Now Jason was in France...I don’t really know why, but my records show he was there for 26 hrs 34mins and 44secs. But Jason heard from a good source, (Bolton’s mommy), that his main underground layer where all his plans took place was in London. Jason tried to blend in as much as possible. He put on his best British accent and swayed his hips in a different motion than what he was accustomed to. Now, it was a well-known fact the Queen was a huge fan of Bolton’s, so it seemed pretty logical that she would have a safe place for him in her castle. The question was, “How could he get in unnoticed?” He walked down the streets of London looking very good, so good that he was attracting a different kind of crowd.

Woman: Hey there. Wanna have fun?

Jason: Um...no I’m quite...wait a minute. Dan! Is that you?!

Dan: Jason! Omg...this is kind of embarrassing.

Jason: Dan I think we should both look at the ground and walk away.

Dan: Oh, Jason, I never wanted you to see me like this. I thought I could find my true self here in London...

Jason: Really, Dan, you don’t have to explain. I have to find a way into the palace, so I can’t stay.

Dan: Why do you want to get in the palace?

Jason: Well, you see, Michael Bolton---

Dan: Don’t say another word! I heard all about it over the news. I was disgusted.

Jason: Thanks.

Dan: Well, it just so happens that during the day I’m a guard for the palace. I can get you in.

Jason: Wow, really?

Dan: Absolutely. Just let me change into my uniform...these heels are killing me.

Meanwhile, Bryce and Sarah had arrived at her aunt’s office. Hopefully this would give them some clues to Bolton’s exact whereabouts.

Sarah: Let me go talk to my aunt. I’ll be back.

Bryce: Ok.

Bryce tried to sneak around the place. He walked into a back room only to discover another familiar face.

Miss Piggy: Why hello there, Brycey.

Bryce: Oh my God.

Miss Piggy: Bet you thought you’d never see me again, eh?

Bryce: Stay away from me. I know where ever you are, Kermit is close by.

Miss Piggy: Oh calm down. I’m trying to turn my life around. I am no longer the loose pig I used to be; I’m faithful and honest. I’m actually a manager on this label who recruits the best bands among us Muppets.

Bryce: Say, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about where Michael Bolton would be?

Miss Piggy: Oh...Bolton, now there’s a night I will never forget!

Bryce: Please, don’t! I don’t need any visuals or mental images. Just tell me where he is!

Miss Piggy: Hmmm...You’re lucky I still think you’re cute.

Bryce:*giggles*

Steve and Ben were in disbelief of who was standing in front of them.

Ben: I can’t believe it.

Steve: Oprah! Oh I’m a huge fan!

Oprah: Fine, thank you. And as for you, Mr. Carey, I believe you owe me a wall!

Ben: Um...well now’s not the best time for this. We’re kind of in the middle of taking down Michael Bolton.

Oprah: *sigh* So, I suppose if I help you my wall will get fixed faster?

Ben: Absolutely. I promise.

Oprah: Good. Let’s get that Bolton!

Steve: *to Ben* Oprah’s scaring me.

Oprah: So what do you plan to do with this computer?

Ben: Well, I think what it does is control the actions of the sea monkeys, so all we have to do is make the sea monkeys attack something belonging to Bolton.

Steve: But how can we be sure what to attack?

Oprah: We can take the computer with us...

Ben: O! That’s brilliant.

Oprah: Thank you and I only like it when Rick calls me “O.”

Ben: Sorry.

Rick woke up. He found he’s arms bound behind him. He felt woozy. There were small whispers coming from the side of him and he could make out the form of Bolton and some of his monkey minions nearby. Rick began to realize he wasn’t the only one tide-up. There was something next to him that felt very soft.

Sound: Hahn...gob...ble...

Rick: *whispering* Steve! Steve the turkey! What has he done to you?

Bolton: I’ve tried to get him to talk about his relationship with you, but he doesn’t seem to want to live.

Rick: You leave Steve alone.

Bolton: When are you and you’re little friends going to face the fact that I am number one and will remain number one forever. You can’t stop me.

Rick: We have much more reliable fans than you do.

Bolton: I know...that’s why I’ve been kidnapping them all and stashing them here. Look, I think you know Luke and Lucy tied up over there.

Rick: You’re gonna get yours Bolton! My writer will save us!

Writer: Come again?

Rick: That’s right. You have control over everything. You can make him turn into a turtle if you wanted.

Writer: I am merely a storyteller...sadly you’re on your own.

Rick: *to Steve* I’ve never liked her.

And just for that last remark we’ll be moving on to Jason. Dan was all dressed in his red suit and tall furry helmet. He and Jason had crept through the halls of the palace quickly and quietly until they finally reached the control room in the center of the palace.

Jason: Dan! You did it! This is his main control room. We have to destroy it.

Voice: Stop right there!

Dan: Oh no! We can explain.

Voice: Nothing can be explained.

Jason: I know that voice...Chief?

Chief Native: Jason Wade? Oh my! I still big fan of yours. You really rock it up at your music shows.

Jason: Thanks Chief. Listen we need your help.

Chief Native: Jason Wade, writer of songs that make me want tap toes...I am at will.

Jason: *smiles*

Back at Bolton lair in Texas, Rick and Steve the Turkey were just hanging around...haha...heh...moving on.

Bolton: Now, Rick, you can watch as one by one your precious fans will be turned into my monkey minions! MUAAAHH!!!

Rick: *to Steve* We’ve got to do something.

Steve: Gobble Gobble!

Rick: I can’t, that won’t work anyway.

Steve: Gobble Gobble!

Rick: I can’t! Mr. Kingsley and I have been through a lot!

Steve: GOBBLE!

Rick: Oh alright! You are so pushy, Steve.

Steve: *smiles*

Rick grabbed his red cup from his pocket, kissed it, and then threw it down at the monkey making machine.

Bolton: You jammed it! Ninja monkeys, attack him!

But the ninja monkeys would not move. They were frozen in place.

Bolton: What’s going on here?

Bryce: *walks in* Why hello Bolton.

Bolton: Bryce! Good I can finish you off along with your bald friend over here.

Rick: Hey!

Ben: I won’t let you do that, Bolton!

Jason: Neither will I!

Bolton: Good you’re all here. I want you all to witness the end of the music industry and your fan base!

Jason: *calls* Oh natives!

Natives: Boom shaka laka laka! Boom shaka laka laka!

Chief Native: We serve the one who sings ‘Hanging by Moment.’

Bolton: You’re natives don’t scare me.

Bryce: Oh, Michael! I have someone here who’s very excited to see you.

Miss Piggy: Michael, baby!

Bolton: Oh my God...

Miss Piggy: Come ‘ere sugar lips!

Bolton: No, please! Anything but her! I’ll go back in the straight-jacket!

So after that very long ordeal, Bolton was locked away never to be heard from again.

Jason: Thanks again for helping us Dan. You can come work for us again if you want.

Dan: Really?

Jason: No, not really. I feel very uncomfortable around you.

Dan: I understand. No problem.

Bryce: Sarah, I can’t thank you enough. Bring Simon to one of ours shows when he’s a little older.

Sarah: No problem. You guys delivered my baby, I owed you one.

Ben: Bryce! Steve has agreed to join CAR!

Bryce: Really?!

Steve: You betcha. I’d love to.

Bryce: Great cause I’ve got a great idea for t-shirts!

Oprah: And I expect that wall to be fixed by next week!

Ben: Yes, of course, Oprah.

Rick: Well, Steve, I still like you even though you told me to throw my cup into the machine.

Steve: Gobble Gobble!

The guys set all their fans free...who really didn’t want to be set free, but that’s a different story. After everything was calm again, the men of Lifehouse packed up their gear and went on the Lifehouse Tour Bus for the last time for awhile. It drove merrily down the road and into the night until it was nowhere in sight.