Room Of Plastic Flowers

Lifehouse in: The Wrong Hands

It was 2007. A new year and the boys were cruising right along. They were working like busy little bees to try their best to get the record out before the fans broke their MySpace inbox. Their songs were rockin’, their songs were rollin’, their songs were spreading emotion all over the studio so much that maintenance had to stay an extra hour to clean up the remaining goop. Jason and Bryce were jamming in the back while Rick ate his freshly toasted bagel with sour cream.

Rick: *chewing* This is the best bagel I’ve ever tasted in my life. Can I have another?
Writer: Yeah…I left the other half on the plate.
Rick: *looks down* Oh cool, thanks!

Just as Rick was eating the other half of his delicious bagel, Ean walked in. He didn’t look very good.

Ean: Hey…Rick.
Rick: Ean, dawg…what up, bro?
Ean: *slight twitch* Eh…I’m not feeling to hot…I can’t put my foot on it. I just don’t feel right.
Rick: Oh, wow. That sucks. Well, even though you’re feeling crappy, and it would probably be a bad idea for me to give you anything really important to do, could you do me a favor?
Ean: Um…I guess…
Rick: Great! See, I’m suppose to look up a good art director to design the theme for the album art, but I’m not a good judge on that sort of thing…
Ean: Right…
Rick: So you think you can handle it?
Ean: Well…
Rick: Great! Now go before Jason and Bryce come over here and suspect that I’m slacking.
Ean: Um…ok.
Rick: Later, man!

Rick practically pushed Ean out the door. Ean did a weird little twitch dance to his car and left the scene as quickly as Rick had pushed him out of the doors. Jason and Bryce came up to where Rick was sitting.

Bryce: *slowly picking up his shoe* Oh, no…they missed some goop over here!
Jason: Actually I think that’s a new spot.
Bryce: I told you we didn’t need that last line.
Jason: Maybe. Well go clean off your shoe and don’t track it around the entire studio.
Rick: So, things are going well?
Jason: Yeah, this record is almost ready! This is really exciting, right?
Rick: Indeed.
Jason: Oh, did you find an art designer person?
Rick: Don’t worry I took care of it. Why don’t you trust me?
Jason: One word…Steve.
Rick: Oh, ok, I see…a man gets a real turkey instead of a dead frozen one and gets too attached to it, and that marks him for life.
Jason: Yes.
Rick: Fine.
The next day Ean called Rick and told him that the designer would be ready by next week and that was the only time he was available to take photos.

Rick: So, we have to do a photo shoot next week.
Bryce: That’s a little early, don’t you think? I mean we haven’t even finished the album yet.
Jason: I agree.
Rick: But it’s the only time he’ll be available! We have most of the songs done. We can just jump ahead a few steps.
Jason: Oh, alright.
Rick: Great! *walks out*
Bryce: Aren’t you scared about this?
Jason: Very.

On the day of the shoot, the guys gathered inside of a very elegant building with large windows open and white silk drapes blowing in the wind. Smooth couches and sheets were scattered around the room and staircases.

Jason: Um, Rick…this doesn’t look the way I was picturing it.
Rick: Oh stretch your imagination, Jason. This is going to be just fine.
Bryce: So where’s this guy…or even the photographer?
Voice: Here we are!

The men turned around. Their faces gradually drooped lower and their jaws introduced themselves to the floor. Jason flipped around to face Rick.

Jason: Fabio! You hired Fabio to design the album?!
Rick: Um…uh…yeah…yeah, yes I did. We go way back.
Bryce: *sarcastically* You and Fabio go way back…?
Rick: What? You don’t think Fabio and me hang? You think he’s too good for me, don’t you?
Bryce: It’s not that…
Jason: Fabio! You hired Fabio to design the album?!
Rick: No! No…I can’t live this lie. Fabio and I have never met…
Bryce: Well, I am shocked.
Rick: I asked Ean to find someone. I’m not the type of guy who finds the art person!
Bryce: I blame Jason.
Jason: What? Why me?
Bryce: Why would give something like that to Rick?
Rick: Yeah!
Jason: Hey, the question both of you should be asking is why Ean would ever agree to have Fabio as the designer.
Rick: He said he wasn’t feeling good…I shouldn’t have asked him.
Fabio: Uh…boys? We really need to get started while the sun is out.
Jason: I don’t think we’ll need you, Fabio.
Fabio: But, I’ve already been paid.
Bryce: Come again?
Fabio: I’ve been paid already, and no refunds…so unless you want to lose money…
Rick: Well, maybe this won’t be so bad.
Fabio: Now take off you shirts, wear these tight leather pants, and my assistant, Marco, will oil you down.
Jason: What?
Fabio: Jason, I’m seeing you as the lonely songwriter, who tames his mistress with his mighty guitar. Rick, the savage drummer, turning his innocent peasant girl into a woman. And Bryce, the untamable bassist with fire in his eyes, who melts the woman he loves into emotional goop.
Guys: *silence*

After their, um…photo shoot, our manly men washed and washed and washed to try and get the oil off, and then they took an extra shower to get that dirty feeling off. They made their way over to Ean’s to stare evilly at him.

Ean: Oh, hi guys. How was the shoot?
Rick: Uh, bad subject.
Ean: I figured. Look, I can explain about Fabio. I think I was feeling out of it because…well side-effects…
Jason: Side-effects?
Ean: Yeah, from you guys raising me from the dead.
Bryce: I guess there would be slight twitches after coming back to life, but I would never imagine one of them being to hire Fabio to make our album art the front of a romance novel.
Ean: Well, I’ve been kind of out of my mind as of late.
Rick: I’m sorry, Ean. I should have never asked you to do this.
Ean: It’s ok. I hope I didn’t ruin your shoot. I’m gonna lie down now. I can’t feel my feet.
Jason: Take care, Ean.

And so the men of Lifehouse went back to work on the new album. When Fabio brought them the photos, the guys decided to have a little “roasting” party. They lit some garbage on fire and one by one threw their pictures in.

Jason: Well, Fabio. I’m sorry, but I can’t see these photos being apart of the album.
Bryce: Yeah, they just aren’t us.
Fabio: Hmmm…well, go ahead, destroy them. I still have the negatives.
Guys: What? You wouldn’t?!
Fabio: *laughs* Oh fellas, I’m just teasing you. Here they are. *throws them into the fire*
Bryce: Don’t screw with us, Fabio!
Jason: Rick, why aren’t you burning yours?
Rick: Well, they’ll be a nice little Valentine’s gift for the little woman. *smiles*