Room Of Plastic Flowers

Lifehouse in: The Unlived Birthday

It was a beautiful summer morning as Jason stretched out of his bunk with a big smile on his face. He was twenty-seven today, and it felt pretty damn good. They had just started a tour for their new album and things were going swimmingly. Jason went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit for his big day.

Jason: *looking at himself in the mirror* All right there, mister. You’re twenty-seven now, and that’s ok. You look great. Your hair is nice, *touches face* you’ve got some manly stubble going on. If I was just walking up to you on the street, I’d say, “Now there’s a good looking twenty-five year old.” And you’d laugh to yourself cause you’re really twenty-seven...haha...

As Jason proceeded to carry on a conversation with his reflection, Bryce, Ben, and Rick were down some ways getting something to eat.

Rick: Oh! We should pick up a cake for Jason. It’s his birthday, ya know.
Bryce: Are you mad?! Don’t you remember what happened last year?
Rick: Um...wait. Give me a minute. Was that the time Jason ran an undercover flamingo renting service for underage belly-dancers?
Bryce: Uh...no. When did he ever do that?
Rick: Oh, wait...that was me. Never mind.
Ben: I think he’s talking about how “sensitive” Jason was about his birthday last year.
Bryce: Yeah he basically had a mental breakdown and made friends with an Eskimo named Floyd.
Rick: Oh that’s right! Floyd’s a good man.
Bryce: So this year, I propose that we don’t mention his birthday at all. Don’t say a word. Just act like it’s a normal day.
Rick: But...but...I already ordered the lizards who play tiny banjos while dancing to, “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
Ben: Well, you’re going to have to cancel.
Rick: Man, I never get to have any fun.

Meanwhile, Jason was finishing getting dressed in their tour bus.

Jason: *looking around* So, the guys aren’t here. They’re probably planning something really huge for my birthday. They always go out of their way to make my birthday special.

The door to the bus opened and Rick, Ben, and Bryce walked on with food in their hands. Jason sat down on the couch preparing himself for the surprise to come. He smiled at the guys as they all proceeded to walk past him and take out their food. Jason sat, still smiling and waiting for something to happen.

Rick: Jason...
Jason: *standing up with a slight jump* Yes Rick!
Rick: Um...could you get me the mustard in the fridge?
Jason: Oh...oh I see. Yes, I’ll get you the “mustard” in the fridge.
Rick: Um...yeah that’s what I asked for.

Jason smiled and opened the fridge. He stared in there for a while before speaking.

Jason: *confused* Wait...there’s nothing in here but mustard.
Rick: Yeah, that’s what I asked for. Hey, is it the spicy kind?
Jason: *still confused* Uh...no, just the regular.
Rick: *calling* Bryce! I told you to get the spicy mustard! It helps my drumming drive.
Jason: Doesn’t anyone have something to say to me?
Bryce: Um...like what?
Jason: I don’t know a friendly greeting or something for this particular day?
Ben: I can’t think of anything. Can you, Bryce?
Bryce: Nope, not a thing. Rick?
Rick: Your hair is looking...sharp. *gives him thumbs up*

Jason stands there speechless for a moment, and then walks off the bus in a huff.

Rick: See! I think he wants to celebrate his birthday.
Ben: He did look wounded, like a lost puppy or something.
Bryce: No, he’s just pulling us into a false sense of security. One balloon and he’ll go nuts. Let’s just go about our business.

Outside the bus, Jason walked around aimlessly talking to himself, (which he seemed to be doing a lot since the big 2-7).

Jason: Hey!
Writer: Sorry...
Jason: I don’t understand. Why are my friends acting this way? We’ve been together for a long time, and every year they remember my birthday. Am I not as important to them anymore? Oh my God...maybe they’re replacing me...sizing me up! I can lose the stubble if they want! Wait...what am I saying? I shouldn’t have to change. Uh...this is so frustrating! Maybe they would all be happier if they never knew me, if I had never been born!

Suddenly, very dramatic lightning came from the sky and thunder boomed from all around. A garbage man who had been empting a nearby dumpster walked over to Jason.

Garbage Man: You shouldn’t say things like that.
Jason: Like what? How could you have heard me all the way over there?
Garbage Man: Oh, I heard you, in fact, the whole world heard you. Everything’s different now.

He walked back to the dumpster and continued to empty it. Jason followed.

Jason: What do you mean everything’s different? I don’t feel any different. The bus...

Jason looks over to where the tour bus once was. It was now an empty parking lot.

Jason: Wait! Where’s the bus? Did they leave without me?
Garbage Man: No, they were never here.
Jason: Come again?
Garbage Man: You said the world would be better if you weren’t born. So now, you weren’t. You don’t exist. Have a good one! *he starts to leave*
Jason: Hold the phone a minute here. Is this some sort of “It’s A Wonderful Life” tribute or something?
Garbage Man: Why? You’ve got a problem with “It’s A Wonderful Life?”
Jason: Uh...no, sir. I enjoy that film very much.
Garbage Man: It makes me cry every year. *sniff*
Jason: So, I guess now we see what the world is like without me?
Garbage Man: Well, we’ll see what happened to your band mates, cause I’ve got things to do today and I really don’t have time to show you all the confusion that’s been caused by your not being born...so yeah we’re just gonna check on the guys.
Jason: Ok.

The Garbage Man took Jason into his truck. It began to spin around until it finally stopped. Jason looked to see where they were. He saw a large glowing sign that read, “Daisy’s Electro Paradise.”

Jason: What is this place?
Garbage Man: It’s an Electro Dance Club.
Jason: Oh my God.
Garbage Man: Oh yeah. This isn’t going to be pretty.

The men walked into the club where they immediately felt the pounding of the loud bass. People were dancing all over the place. The Garbage Man finally pointed to the DJ and Jason squinted over at a short man with red sunglasses, gold necklaces, and a button-down satin vest coat.

Jason: Is that Rick?
Garbage Man: Yep.
Jason: What happened to him? He hates techno music.
Garbage Man: Well, Lifehouse doesn’t exist, so he stayed with the band he was with before. One night, he got a little too into the set and was knocked off of his stool taking his entire drum set with him. When he woke up, he couldn’t get enough of techno.
Jason: That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Rick: *over the microphone* All right my fellow dance machines, let’s crank out the moves to this new song, written by yours truly, DJ Ricky Woo.
Jason: *turning to GM* Ricky Woo?
Garbage Man: I’m afraid so. You’re a huge reason Rick didn’t turn into a techno loving DJ who throws toga parties on the weekends.
Jason: I had no idea. Let’s go, I really can’t watch anymore of this.

The two men left as Rick cranked out some robotic moves to his new song. The truck once again spun off and landed in an underground coffee shop, it was very hush, hush.

Jason: Where are we?
Garbage Man: Well, Bryce was in several bands for a while, but nothing that would stick, so he went back to Canada and became a beatnik.

Bryce was sitting in a corner of the dimly light coffee tomb with bongos and a baby rattle.

Bryce: *bang rhythmically on the bongos* A tree sprouted from the earth...I was a part of that tree...*budda bum bum* I reached out to touch a branch...but found myself suspended on a trapeze instead...*budda bum bum*
Jason: That makes absolutely no sense. I have to stop this.

Jason walked over to an extremely mellowed out Bryce with dark shades and a rag upon his head.

Jason: Bryce! Snap out of this! You’re not into poetry and bonding with the soil of your ancestors.
Bryce: *pulling down his shades* Who is this force disturbing my chi?
Jason: It’s Jason! You have to know who I am!
Bryce: Jason...Jaaaason. *budda bum bum* Nope, no recollection of any Jason. However, I did meet a guy who kind of resembles you, but only around the nose.

Discouraged, Jason left Bryce to the bongos and walked out to the secret underground Canadian coffee shop.

Jason: This is terrible. I can’t even imagine what’s become of Ben.
Garbage Man: Oh actually, he’s doing quite well. He’s been touring with some great bands and making some of his own music as well.
Jason: I don’t get it. Why isn’t he messed up?
Garbage Man: Um...cause he’s Ben.
Jason: Right...I’m just upset that none of them are even together. They don’t even know about each other.
Garbage Man: Oh, is that what’s bothering you? I can fix that.

The scenery was now in a Las Vegas show room with an announcer at the speaker.

Announcer: And now, ladies and gents, I bring you the Doo-wap band of your dreams, Two Guys and a Bald Kid!

The audience cheers as Bryce, Ben, and Rick enter the stage in white suits and black bowties. They begin to sing their doo-wappy tunes.

Jason: Well, I guess as long as they’re together, that’s all that matters right?
Garbage Man: Actually, Bryce is recovery from a hip replacement, so now he teeters back and forth when he walks, Ben has a speech impediment and stands outside with a poodle named Lucky to sell tickets to their shows, and Rick gambles all night with a midget and plastic G.I. Joe doll.
Jason: I can’t take this! Ok, I get it! I want to be born. I want to exist! Just take me back! Take me back!

Jason squeezed his eyes shut. All of a sudden he heard a familiar voice.

Rick: Jason? Are you talking to yourself again?

Jason opened his eyes to see Rick giving him a strange look.

Rick: Are you ok?
Jason: I’m back! I exist!
Rick: Jason, have you been sleeping walking again?
Jason: Rick, I’m so glad you joined our band.
Rick: Aw, man, I don’t mean to get all touchy-feely, but this is the place for a climatic male bonding hug.
Jason: It sure is! *they hug*
Rick: Hey, so you should come into the bus, cause...uh...we want to talk to you about something.
Jason: Ok...

The guys walked back inside the bus. The moment the door opened, several balloons came pouring out. Ben and Bryce emerged.

Guys: Happy Birthday, Jason!
Jason: Whoa...
Bryce: Ok, Jay, now if you feel the need to run, I’m here to hold you down to the ground and make you face your birthday.
Jason: Why would I want to run? I was so upset because I thought you guys had forgotten.
Ben: Well, we weren’t sure if you were up for another birthday after last year.
Jason: Oh! You mean me...
Bryce: ...Losing your marbles.
Jason: Yeah.
Rick: Well everything’s back the way it should be, so let’s get on with the festivities.
Ben: Oh, before we start...Jason, Floyd called to wish you a happy birthday.
Jason: Oh great! One second guys...*takes phone* Floyd, my man! *walks into the bus*
Bryce: So what’s your plan?
Rick: Well, the lizards that play tiny banjos and dance to “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” should be here any minute.
Bryce: I love the way you celebrate.
Rick: *smiles*

Happy Birthday Jason!