Room Of Plastic Flowers

Lifehouse in: Have It My Way

It all began on a Tuesday night.

The Lifehouse men were safely tucked into beds. A new tour loomed ahead and they needed their beauty rest. But these nights would not bring such luck, for an unexpected visitor would interrupt their peaceful dreams.

Rick was sleeping quite comfortably on his cozy mattress. It was warm, soft, and germ-free. Just the way he liked it. But there was something off tonight, something or someone unexpected had joined his frolic through the misty air of dreamland. At first he thought nothing of it, probably the dog or the nightly watchman who paroled his street at night, Fred. He got lonely on those long dark drives through the streets of sweet California suburbia. Rick was halfway into dreamland when he could hear this something or someone breathing. Scary indeed. He quickly sat up and reached over to his desk lamp to flick it on. As he turned, he became face to mask with the B. K. King sitting straight up with his creepy grin, extending a Whopper Burger in the right hand. Rick’s face contorted, he was speechless. He wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The King made the burger dance in front of Rick’s face.

Rick: No, thanks. I never eat in bed.

The King stood still for a moment, before sinking into the covers and disappearing.

Rick: Whoa! Is there a trap door in my bed? I’ve never noticed it.

He poked his head under the covers only to resurface moments later.

Rick: Weird. This must be dream.

Rick returned to his blissful state, shaking the whole experience off as only a dream.

Miles away from him, Bryce was taking a shower…and that’s all I’ll say.

Bryce: Thank you.
Writer: Well don’t thank me yet…

Bryce was busy shampooing and conditioning his lustrous locks of blond hair. He had wanted that extra shine that Jason seemed to have effortlessly.

Bryce: Bastard…

As Bryce started to presoak, he could sense a presence in his midst, and usually he took showers alone…and today wasn’t Saturday. He took a gaze behind him. No one was there. He shook off the uneasy feeling and now moved on to the rinse cycle of his treatment. But the feeling grew stronger. A breezed struck his back. Bryce turned around once more only to jump back into the shower faucet. After the mind-numbing pain subsided, he could focus on the very tall B.K. King standing with him in the shower, grinning that evil semi-psycho smile. The king’s arm extended to reveal a very soggy Whopper sandwich with cheese dripping onto the shower floor.

Bryce: What? Who? Where? Why? When? How? Yeah that’s sums up all the questions in my head right now.

But the king continued to stare at the naked Bryce in a very disturbing way.

Bryce: Alright, dude, I don’t know how you got in here, but I swear, if you touched my collection of Oompa Loompa lamps…you’re dead.

At this the king burst out of the shower leaving the soggy Whopper behind.

Bryce: I knew it! Those lamps are irreplaceable. Get back here.

Naked, Bryce ran all over his apartment. The Oompa Loompa lamps remained in their places. With a sigh of relief, Bryce noticed the giant figure slowly creeping out. He ran after him, down the stair to discover his older neighbor, Mrs. Rittenhouse staring at him in excitement, but no B. K. King.

Bryce: Sorry, Mrs. Rittenhouse.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: *whistles*
Bryce: *shocked* Mrs. Rittenhouse, please!

Bryce turned back towards the stairs and started to head up.

Mrs. Rittenhouse: See you on Saturday, Brycey. *seductive wave*

A few more miles away from Bryce, Jason was doing his normal 3am workout. Why? Because he could. Sweat was pouring out as he ran those few extra miles on the treadmill. As soon as he was done, he grabbed a towel and started to wipe his face off. For a moment, he thought he heard something. Looking around and seeing no one, he resumed his face wiping. As soon as he took the towel off his face the B.K. King was standing in front of him. Jason didn’t seem startled.

Jason: So, it’s you again.
B.K. King: *nod*
Jason: It’s been a while.
B.K. King: *nod*

The two started to circle each other, never letting the other one out of their sight.

Jason: You’re still as disturbing as ever.
B.K. King: *nod*
Jason: So what do you want?
B.K. King: *extends Whopper*

Jason’s face twisted in horror.

Jason: Oh no, I just finished my workout. Besides, I have my trusty Subway sandwich ready upstairs when—

The king cringed in horror and dropped the Whopper on the table nearby. He covered his ears with his cheesy hands.

Jason: Oh that’s right. You hate Subway.
B.K. King: *shakes head*
Jason: Well that’s just too bad cause I’m gonna keep eating it. What are you gonna do about it?

The king removed his hands from his ears and put them on his hips. He looked angry despite the unchanging smile across his face. He pointed his finger forcefully at Jason’s chest.

Jason: *looks at his shirt* What? Is there something on my shirt?

Jason looked back at the king only to discover he was gone.

Jason: Damn it. Oldest trick in the book.

Jason decided to shake this event off. The king was usually stopping by at weird hours of the night making empty threats, and nothing ever came of them. Though Jason had been exercising for a while and was starving. For some reason, the scent of the Whopper on the table was terribly strong all of a sudden. It smelled delicious, and Jason found all control removed from his body.

Some blocks away, the smell was making Rick sleepwalk down his steps to the Whopper left on his kitchen table.

Even further away, Bryce couldn’t help grabbing the soggy sandwich off the floor of his shower.

The three men couldn’t help themselves and gobbled up every bit of their sandwiches, burped loudly, and went to bed.

A couple weeks later Ben marched into a soundstage. The band was preparing for their tour and he had arrived a little early. He set up his guitars and chatted with some of the roadies working nearby. Suddenly there was a huge shutter. All the men got down on the ground.

Ben: Do you think it’s an earthquake?
Roadie: No, the guys are here.
Ben: What do mean?

The double doors to the stage opened and one by one walked Jason, Bryce, and Rick tremendously overweight, each with a Whopper in each hand.

Jason: *still chewing* Hey, Ben.
Ben: *gets up* What happened to you guys?
Rick: Ask Jason, it’s his fault.
Bryce: Yeah.
Jason: Look guys, usually the king just threatens me for about 22 minutes, then we play Hungry, Hungry Hippos and he leaves. I don’t know what set him off t his time.
Ben: Whoa, whoa, back up a minute. What king?
Bryce: The B.K. King. He cursed us. We can’t stop eating Whoppers. It’s all we’ve eaten for two weeks straight.
Ben: Wow.
Rick: Wait, Jay, you’ve never played Hungry, Hungry Hippos with me, you tramp.
Jason: Basically, I think the king is mad that we don’t really eat at Burger King anymore. He hates Subway.
Bryce: That’s probably what set him off. He surprised me in the shower with the Whopper.
Jason: The shower? *to Rick* And I’m the tramp?
Rick: Yes.
Ben: You know, there are times I’m glad I’m not an official member, and this is one of them.

A day later, the guys were still feeling sorry for themselves. Other food looked disgusting, all except for the Whopper, which Bryce could only eat soggy. But hope was not lost because their faithful (and skinny) touring guitarist, Ben, had a plan.

Ben: Guys, I’ve got a plan.
Rick: We know, we read it in the paragraph above.
Ben: Oh right. Well, as you know I’ve been to many places far and wide and have met many people.
Bryce: Yeah, so?
Ben: So, I thought I’d introduce you to a friend of mine who could help out.

Ben opens the door and Jared walks in.

Jason: Oh my God!
Bryce: It’s really you!
Rick: Bryce tried to tell me you didn’t exist.
Jared: Hey guys. Wow, um you really need some help.
Jason: We really do.
Rick: Can you help us, Jared?
Jared: Of course I can. Did you know this is my 10th anniversary?
Bryce: Jason did.
Rick: He’s a super fan.
Jason: Tee hee...
Jared: Really? Well, super fans of me get the extra special guaranteed weight loss in only a week.
Jason: Really?! What is it? I’ll do anything.
Jared: Well my friend, Ben lent me some of his little critters.
Ben: Being from Australia, you’ll come across these a lot.

Ben opened the door to reveal a huge cage of about ten kangaroos. Jason jumped up.

Jason: Ben, are those…?
Ben: Kangaroos? Yes.
Jason: You know I’m afraid of kangaroos!
Jared: Yes, see these kangaroos have been trained to chase only you. You’ll be running for a while.
Jason: That’s just cruel and unbelievably unusual!
Jared: Yeah it is. But you’ll be amazing at how fast the pounds fly off. Ok, Ben.

Ben gave Jared the ‘thumbs up’ and let the latch go on the cage. The kangaroos bustled out and hoped after a screaming Jason, who ran out of the room and down the street.

Rick: How long will they chase him?
Jared: Until he’s skinny.
Bryce: Wow.
Rick: So what about us?
Jared: For you guys, we’ll to the standard ‘Rocky’ montage of working out, sweating, lifting weights, and so on.
Bryce: Cool with me.

And so Bryce and Rick did the standard ‘Rocky’ montage of working out, sweating, lifting weights, etc. to the tune of “Eye of the Tiger.” By the end of the montage, Bryce and Rick were both tremendously slim and muscular. They basked in their newfound sexiness.

Rick/Bryce: *bask in sexiness*

There was a distant yell in the back and suddenly a very trim Jason with hamstrings the size of baseballs came running down the street with eleven kangaroos chasing him.

Ben: I’ll get the cage.

Ben opened his cage and let the group inside. Jason fell on the ground gasping for breath.

Jason: I’m…gonna…hurt…someone.
Jared: Ah Jason, see it worked! You look great and after a week or two, you’ll feel great.
Jason: I…hate…you.
Jared: Thank you.
Rick: Jason, I thought only ten kangaroos were chasing you?
Jason: *now standing* One gave birth mid yesterday.
Bryce: Aw cute.
Rick: Well, thanks, Jared and Ben. You really saved us.
Ben: Aw there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you guys.
Rick: Male-bonding hug time!

The men embraced, but it was short-lived for the evil B. K. King emerged from the shadows.

Jason: Oh, God he’s back!
Rick: Stay away!
Jared: I think he wants me.
B.K. King: *nod*

Jared and the B.K. King circled each other as the men of Lifehouse gazed on nervously. The king threw a sharp punch to Jared’s cheek and another one to the chest. Jared sunk down to the ground in pain.

Jason: Come on, Jared. Get up!
Bryce: Ben, 50 bucks on the king.
Ben: I’m in!
Rick: Kick him in the Whopper!

And Jared kicked the king in the big old Whopper. The king grabbed his Whopper section and fell to the ground. All the men gazed at his pathetic body.

Rick: Oh wow, we’re gonna finally find out who this psycho is!

Jared grabbed the giant head and pulled only to reveal…

Guys: Ean!
Ean: Hi, there.
Jason: What is up with you?
Rick: Why are you always tormenting us is some strange condition?
Ean: Well, I hadn’t been in a story for a while…
Bryce: Join the club.
Guys: *glare at writer*
Writer: Dudes, I’m in school!
Rick: Yeah, likely excuse.

And so, the men helped Ean up and all kicked him in the Whopper for what he had done. They then gave him an icepack and regain their friendship over a feast of veggie Subway sandwiches.