Room Of Plastic Flowers

Lifehouse in: Prisoner of Potter

It had been a particularly bumpy ride on the tour bus that night. A terrible storm seemed to have perched itself right on top of the tour bus. Most of its occupants couldn’t find a way to fall asleep, all except for Bryce who seemed to be resting soundly in his bunk while Jason, Rick, and Ben glared in his direction with utter distain.

Jason: I’m so tired.
Rick: I hate everything right now.
Ben: Especially those who are sleeping…
All: Yeah...
Rick: I don’t get how he can sleep through this monsoon.
Ben: Pure talent.
Jason: Well maybe we should let him get his rest. It is his birthday today.
Rick: Oh my God…
Jason: What? You forgot?
Rick: No, I’m upset because our tickets for the rap revival of Fiddler on the Roof: “Yo Daddy on the Hood of My Crib” haven’t come in yet…of COURSE I forgot his birthday!
Jason: Alright, geez. You don’t have to bite my head off.
Rick: Look, I’m tired, I forgot his birthday…and now I really do wish there was a rap revival of Fiddler on the Roof.
Ben: Ok, this sounds like a good place to mention that we do have a show tomorrow, so we should try to get some sleep.
Jason: You know, I like you Ben. You keep us focused.
Ben: I know.

The three men moved from the back of the bus towards their bunks. On their way, they opened the curtain to Bryce’s compartment to see him fast asleep.

Rick: He looks so cozy…
Ben: So peaceful…
Jason: Is that my pillow he’s spooning?

But Bryce was anything but peaceful, for inside his seemingly sleeping brain was a man tied up in a dark classroom. He was hazy. His eyes kept fluttering. The room was dark, that’s all he could make out. There seemed to be several voices coming in and out of the room…touching, running their fingers through his long blond locks of hair.

Bryce: Wha…where am I? Who’s there?

But the murmurs only got louder. Finally, Bryce could open his eyes wide enough to make out shadows lingering on the wall. There was a bright fireplace, some chairs, and more people.

Bryce: If this is your guys’ idea of a surprise party—

*SLAP*

The hit knocked Bryce unconscious once more sending him into darkness. A few minutes later, he stirred. The fire was almost out, but still giving off enough light to see the room. It was empty. The figures had left and now Bryce was left tied to a chair and feeling a little dizzy. Before he could even contemplate what was happening, a tiny figure in an ugly rag appeared out of nowhere.

Bryce: Geez! Who the hell are you?
Dobby: Dobby, sir. Friend of Harry Potter.
Bryce: Whaaaaa….
Dobby: It’s true, sir. I come in the name of Harry Potter to tell you that you are in greeeat danger. Terrible things are happening at Hogwarts.
Bryce: Ok, let’s rewind, shall we? I’m at Hogwarts?
Dobby: Yes, sir.
Bryce: Harry, Ron…that Hermonie chic…like that Hogwarts.
Dobby: Yes. And you are in grave danger.
Bryce: Was I kidnapped again?
Dobby: Oh, not by me, sir…by my Master, Lucius Malfoy. Him and the other Death Eaters have a terrible plan to bring back He Who Must Not Be Named.
Bryce: Oh, I know him, that Vold—

Dobby jumped onto Bryce’s lap and covered his mouth.

Dobby: No! You must never say it!
Bryce: Alright, alright, get off. So tell me what these Death Eaters want with me? I’m only the best bass player who ever walked on North America. So unless old Voldy wants to start a jazz band, I don’t see how I could be of any use.
Dobby: He wants—

But just as Dobby was about to spoil the mystery of the story, one of the doors to the room started to open. Dobby snapped his fingers and disappeared. From outside came Lucius Malfoy sauntering in the room letting the fans nearby blow his long blond hair in a taunting manner. Bryce couldn’t move very well, but he managed to shake his own lustrous locks in retaliation.

Lucius: So…you’re the key to the Dark Lord’s return. Frankly, I don’t understand.
Bryce: That makes two of us.
Lucius: I mean what makes you so special?
Voice: E…nough…

The voice came from the doorway. It was frail. Wormtail along with other Death Eaters entered one by one. In Wormtail’s hand looked like a cloaked possum, but in fact it was Voldi—

Dobby: Don’t!
Writer: Oh my God…

But in fact, it was He Who Must Not Be Named.

Voldemort: Bring me closer to him, Wormtail.

Wormtail brought the possum-looking Voldy towards Bryce who cringed at the sight of him.

Bryce: Dude, look, I can recommend some nice skin treatments. A trip to the spa does not take away your masculine identity…
Voldemort: Silence! Wormtail, dump my possum-like body into the random pot over by the fire, and then finish it.
Wormtail: Yes, Master.

Wormtail took Voldemort and dumped his body into the huge black pot.

Wormtail: The Master’s possum-like body, blood of a servant given willingly, the feather of a dove left by the roadside, a necklace from your aunt, Greta, a pebble, loose change, two half-eaten French Fries…
Lucius: Get on with it, Wormtail!
Wormtail: I have to follow the recipe exactly or Master could come out as a baboon prostitute starting menopause.
Lucius: Fine.

Wormtail finally turned to Bryce who was still tied up in the corner.

Wormtail: And finally…

He took out his wand and waved it directly above Bryce’s head. Bryce could suddenly feel a cool breeze on the top of his head.

Wormtail: Long blond locks from a Canadian bass player.
Bryce: Wait, two half-eaten French Fries pull rank over my…wait…stop!

But it was too late. All of Bryce’s golden hair was flying straight into the black pot. Everyone stood back as a figure emerged from the waters.

Wormtail: Master?

Voldemort turned around in a sharp Armani suit, (compliments of Harry Potter Weird Dreams INC.), and long flowing blond hair.

Voldemort: Now I can really bring sexy back.
Death Eaters: Yay!
Bryce: Wait, I thought you wanted to kill all the mudbloods and take over the wizarding world…how is my hair going to help?
Voldemort: Oh I’m going to take over the world and kill Harry Potter and all his friends…

He comes closer to Bryce.

Voldemort: But I’m going to look damn good while I do it. No more black hospital gowns or bald veiny head…no sir.
Voice: So you think.
Voldemort: Oh, God here he comes.
Bryce: Who?
Voldemort: Who? Bloody Potter and his Pottery Friends come to save the day.

Voldemort was quite right. In from an open window, the trio of Ron, Hermione, and Harry Freakin Potter came busting through on their broomsticks.

Harry: Voldemort.
All: *gasp*
Voldemort: Oh he can say my name. I missed two potions classes and a naptime rearranging the letters of my name, someone better bloody say it.
Harry: Voldemort.
Voldemort: Harry Potter. So we meet at last.
Harry: I have to say, the hair I was not picturing.
Voldemort: It’s new, compliments of my new friend, Bryce.

Harry turns to see a bald Bryce waving his fingers in the corner.

Bryce: Hey.

Harry: Voldemort, I have many reasons to hate you, you killed my parents, basically made it so my life is one endless black hole that will swallow me with teenage angst and despair probably until my late 30s…
Voldemort: Yes.
Harry: But taking Bryce’s hair was just rude.
Bryce: And it’s my birthday...
Everyone: Oh really? Happy Birthday.
Voldemort: Enough! No more cheer or good wising. You and me, Potter. Showdown.
Harry: Right on.

Harry and Voldemort started to prepare themselves for the battle to come.

Bryce: Aw man, this is awesome! I’m gonna get to see the ultimate wizard battle. This birthday is amazing.
Voldemort: Wormtail. Get the screen.
Wormtail: Yes, Master.

Harry readied himself and stood beside Voldemort. Ron came up behind him and started rubbing his shoulders.

Ron: You’ve got this in the bag, mate.

Wormtail handed them each controllers. He also began to rub Voldemort’s shoulders.

Voldemort: Why are you touching me?
Wormtail: Sorry, Master.

Wormtail reached for the sheet and pulled it up. A huge TV screen with Wii came on.

Voldemort: We’re bowling tonight, Potter.
Harry: Bring…It…On.

The two played for several hours, swooping and diving and cursing.

Voldemort: Oh Dumbledore’s speedo! I almost had that spare!
Harry: It’s too late, Voldy. You lost. And now its time.
Voldemort: Alright, I won’t kill the mudbloods.
Harry: And?
Voldemort: Or take over the world with my evilness.
Harry: And?
Voldemort: Oh come on. I like my new hair. It glistens in the sunlight.
Harry: Voldemort, that’s Bryce’s hair.
Voldemort: I can start over…do shampoo commercials. Make a new life for myself...just...Ahhh!

All of a sudden, a bright light descended upon Voldemort’s head and it was dull and bald once more. The light glistened toward Bryce, who had basically spent the entire story tied to a chair. His hair had returned, blonder, slicker, and with a slight lighter bounce. As Voldemort melted away in despair, Dumbeldore’s image smiled at Bryce and gave him a wink.

Bryce: Uh, thanks Dumbly.

His image vanished.

Bryce: Well, kids. Yet again, this has been a birthday to remember. But I really should be getting back cause my band’s on tour…
Hermione: You’re in a band? *giggles*
Bryce: Yeah, uh, Lifehouse…I don’t know if you’d of heard of us being in a fictional world.
Ron: Oh, I know them!
Harry: You do?
Ron: Yeah, they sing that song “Falling Even More In Love With You.”
Hermione: I love that song.
Bryce: Um, actually it’s called—
Hermione: Oh could you sing it for me, Bryce? I’d love to hear it.
Ron: Hey, watch it.
Harry: No, really I’d like to hear it too.
Hermione: You guys never play here, I swear.
Bryce: Well actually, Jason’s the singer. I just play the bass…I sing occasionally, but I don’t feel comfortable--
All: Sing it!
Bryce: Look, if you just untie me…
Hermione: *eyeing him* Who says were untying you?
Bryce: What?
Ron: Yeah, maybe we want you to stay for a while.
Harry: A long while.
Hermione: Hehe.
Bryce: Wait…it wasn’t the Death Eaters who kidnapped me…it was…YOU!

The three laugh.

Ron: So when are we gonna hear the song?
Bryce: No, I can’t stay here.
All: Sing it. Sing it!
Bryce: Nooooo!!!!

Jason: Bryce. Bryce, it’s about that time.
Bryce: No, get off me, Harry Potter!
Jason: Do I want to know what you’re dreaming about?

Bryce could finally open his eyes. He grabbed Jason and pulled him down.

Bryce: OK. I’m never sleeping on my birthday…ever….And you guys are gonna stay up with me….
Jason: Um…Bryce…crushing the singer’s lungs…
Bryce: The characters from Harry Potter kidnapped me…in my sleep.
Jason: That’s great…Bryce…let go...room's getting darker...
Bryce: Sorry.

Jason helped Bryce to his feet and pushed him out of the bus.

Jason: We’ve got a show to do.
Bryce: They wanted me to sing Hanging By A Moment…Voldy in my hair…bowling with Potter…
Jason: It was just a dream, Bryce.
Bryce: Ok, you’re right…I’m ready.

The two continued into the venue and disappeared backstage. A creature appeared just beyond the bus.

Dobby: Or was it? Hehehooo!

Happy Birthday Bryce!